Love V/s Attraction

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                                  Love V/s Attraction

When you see someone you like, it is about you. It's about your feelings, your desires, fears and hopes. You become obessessed by this one person but at that moment in time it is just about your desires. The person you are attracted to is removed from you at this moment in time.

It is infatuation, lust.

It is also a very dangerous place to be in because if you don't act immediately, it becomes an idea in your head. Many a times I have seen girls, guys, women and men fall trap to this particular phase.

So much so, it is coined as one-itis.

To be obessessed about this person and think there is no one like this person. That it has to be this person or no one else. That it must work. It has to work. It's got to work and so, the person stays in that phase and emotionally invests time, effort, thinking about this one person.

Never a moment in thinking about wondering about what the other person wants, feelings, thinks of and instead it's just me...I....me.

They build castles in the sky, brick by brick, until it becomes a full blown Hollywood movie or a romance novel, played in their mind. It is a life of fearing the future when they should live in the present. In the now.

They think that their feeling for the person they like is enough for both. It's not. The other person needs to know without confessing feelings of love and romantism. Instead maturely approach and see first if the person is someone they like to date.

You see if this person is compatible.

However, for those who take immediate action it's very different.

If they do not linger in future and live in the present - to immediately  approach, tease, flirt, converse. They find out instantly if the other person feels the same. If not they move on.

So energy is put into building castles in the sky. No story. No emotionally investing time, effort in an idea. An illusion.

Rejection can be real bad here when it happens.

Detaching from the outcome isn't going to be easy. They still be disillusioned on how they feel about this one person should be enough. It can never be enough.

Even if the person doesn't emotionally invests lots of time, effort and gets rejected - it hurts still.

But it's not as bad when they have put so much time.

That's why I say...

'If you like someone, approach immediately. Don't assume, create some stories in your mind or some manipulative game to be a friend first when the intention is something else. You don't know this person. They may not be into you and you're putting all this energy into some story in your head. Find out fast. Take action now."

Love is different because love isn't about 'me.'

Rather it is about 'us.' It is about 'WE.'

It is your life, your identity, your thoughts, your dreams, passion merging with this person like a painting in which a collage of your life, your experiences, your joy, entwines with this person too.

That doesn't mean you are lost.

Nor does it mean the one you love loses their identity, their core values, their belief, their needs, wants etc.

It just means you want to know about each other in a deeper level to help each other. In knowing each other you become stronger. You and the one you love, against the world and to do so, you both need to know as much as you can about each other.

You are still you but this time, it is about giving to the one you love.

It is about making them happy, learning about each other, overcoming lots of perceptions, conflict, barriars and if you go through these and withstand what most cannot - even - walking away from the tempting opportunities of being able to screw a woman or guy without the other person because you love the person you are with.....love grows even greater.

It gets real deep because in atrraction there is a lot hidden.

In attraction there is a lot of witholding back due to fear. The fear of rejection.

Sometimes people wear different masks, faces and yes...there are games played by some people. Sometimes people so hurt, so scared, that even when they want to say yes, they self sabotage and say no. They screw up.

Since the other person does not know about who they like and sees that happen; they feel bad. They feel hurt. They feel rejected. They don't see that the other person comes with a perception, pain, insecurities, fears, desires and take it personally.

Rejection, no matter what does hurt.

But this is love and the greatest of love is you are both open, transparent, to reveal your weakness not just your strengths. You both reveal who you are, wide open, and even sharing your desires without fear.

You understand why the one you love says this or that. You forgive, you let go when the one you love acts upset, or just goes nuts for some reason.

You're not so patient with someone who you have yet not grown to love. I know I'm not.

I maybe attracted to a woman but I can easily, with great speed get turned off. It can be anything she does, says, and I will assume something and I will move on. I won't be forgiving and I won't give a shit if she's "shy" and all that.

That's at the attraction stage.

Like someone said to me on comment under one of my aswers, about a woman who didn't say yes but said no. Playing hard to get.

"But you could have said to her friends to ask her out, try again.!

No, because in attraction stage I am not that forgiving. At this stage I am not in love with her and my values are very different to most guys. I want a woman who is decisive and has the maturity and confidence to say yes meaning yes.

No meaning no.

So in attraction it is easy a guy or woman to walk away. It is easier for desire to channel itself somewhere else. It is easier to not forgive for small things and big things.

You can walk away fast if I get a hint of a red flag and I'm glad I do too.

I remember I didn't years ago so now I do.

In attraction you don't invest as much as you would when you're already dating and in a serious relationship. There is no comittment of such.

That is if, one is mature and knows not to invest emotions in what is not yet clear i.e. other person says and shows they are really interested too.

But when I am with a woman and I've grown to know her and she has grown to know me, and we have gone through many challenges together - I am very forgiving.

I will love her and I will even love when she is sarcastic, when she goes a bit angry, and do things that annoy me. I will and have done laughed it off, smiled, pressed her on the wall and just made her laugh.

Not so in early stages of attraction.

I have found in past, when two people love each other to such a level, that jelousy is gone, and they now both have a goal, an vision, a purpose even if they have different needs, wants.

That purpose is to make each other happy.

Why? Because now being happy isn't about just me, I. It is about 'us.'

It's about seeing the one you love happy, smile, not cry, not feel lost, alone, hurt. Even when the one you love cries, it will hurt. I am known to be very cold and emotionaless at times but when I am in love with a woman and she cries, is hurt....I hurt too. It's like it strikes me too.

You want the one you love achieve whatever success she desires. You want to know what these goals are. You will cncourage, you will try to make it easier, even though you sometimes can't due to whatever happens in world.

But you will try even with a smile, a touch, words of comfort and these to your lover means a great deal because the person knows it is real.

You'll be there for the one you love and you'll be each other's champion.

So attraction is about you, what you want and you see someone and it's all about you getting this person to feel same way. It is fulfilling and satisfying your own hunger and desire.

Love is about 'us.'

Even when you make love - you want to pleasure your lover. You want to satisfy your lover. It's not just about own own ego.

Attraction is instant - kabooooooooom!

It's the sexual desires, desire. It's about what you want.

Love is gradual and it's about 'us.'